


i swear i don't feed cute boys to my cat

by jankyjoos



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Cute, I hope, M/M, Misunderstandings, Student Kuroo Tetsurou, slightly traumatic, teaching assistant kenma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-02-22 21:03:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23433700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jankyjoos/pseuds/jankyjoos
Summary: He’s snarky, petite, and Kuroo is mesmerized by the way the ends of his blond hair bounce every time he drops down from tiptoe after writing explanations on the board. Kuroo tries to woo said boy and fails.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 7
Kudos: 120





	i swear i don't feed cute boys to my cat

Their new teaching assistant is horrifying. 

First off, he grades mercilessly despite his blase demeanor, like he has no conscience that he’s also a student in the interim. Or of supposedly popular students out to ruin his reputation. Or of Kuroo, who is one-second-less-of-sleep from flunking the course. 

Second, he alternates between blue, black, and white suits to every lecture...somewhat suiting him mocking the job that he was allotted to without his consent. His students were all accustomed to seeing him playing dumb and innocent and blinking lazily like a cat whenever their old professor was in the room, possibly as a means of communication with the latter. 

And the boy is also horrifyingly attractive. It’s not like he has absurdly long eyelashes or the sharpest jaw, or the body of a male adonis; his attractiveness is subtle and uncovered through weeks of investigation by the pursuer. It's the kind of attractiveness that grows on an individual - every time Kuroo sees him, he gets even more stunning. 

He’s snarky, petite, and Kuroo is mesmerized by the way the ends of his blond hair bounce every time he drops down from tiptoe after writing explanations on the board. 

In conclusion, Kuroo is thoroughly and absolutely fucked. 

  
  


* * *

At eight am, the tip of Kenma’s pen is in his mouth, slipping in and out as he rubs it on his lip. He’s sitting at the front of the room, pondering at a group of presenters who are arguing about the mysterious disappearance of their USB. 

A hand waves over Kuroo’s face and his eyes land on a very bright smile.

“Kuroo, I asked if you wanted to check out that new sushi place this afternoon!” Bokuto, his awesome best friend, wingman, and teammate says, sitting next to him in the back row of their programming class. The students around them whip their heads around to hush them. “I mean… no hard feelings if you have other plans,” he says more quietly.

Kuroo has to pry his eyes from Kenma to look at Bokuto. He raises an eyebrow. “You just want to see your pretty setter bike down the street, with your tongue hanging out the window drolling all over the car door, don’t you?” Bokuto’s eyes widen as he nods eagerly. 

“I wish _we_ went to his school.”

“Bro, don’t associate me with your gross fantasies.” 

“You’ll come anyway!” It really depends, Kuroo thinks, his gaze drifting back to Kenma’s petulant frown. If he chooses to stick around to get tutored by a really cute boy, or third wheel and take his puppy-man-pal to the dog park.

“Yeah, yeah,” he hums. “Bro, are you… are you pouting?” 

The last group that presented walks up to their table with an expression like they’ve just had an out-of-body experience. “You guys are up next.” 

Kuroo swallows and nods before tugging and shaking a dejected Bokuto by his shoulders. He gives him a firm look and says, “Hey, hey, we're going, but you’re paying.” 

Bokuto’s head perks up and Kuroo sighs in relief as they take their computer up to the front of the glass room. “C’mon Bo, let’s make a good impression on Kozume." _I could get laid_ , he almost says but bites it back before Bokuto starts freaking again. 

And then he’s standing in front of Kozume Kenma, who looks bored out of his mind but still has the capacity to make it look cute. 

“Is your friend going to puke?” Kenma eyes Kuroo up and down, and Kuroo takes it as a compliment to his cat tie and tight dress pants. 

Kuroo smirks and slaps Bokuto’s back. “Straighten up Bo, you’ll be alright. He's lovesick.” 

He naturally flows into the project presentation, alternating between slides with Bokuto, they narrate their three-step cybersecurity protocols. "Sadly, it's not as easy as a simple stop, drop, and roll." 

The whole time Kenma is heavily engaged in writing notes on his laptop, but Kuroo tries eye-fucking him like a starved man nonetheless. 

A foul amount of PornHub logos later, “That concludes our proposal, any platform and group of developers will suffice. I’d also like to add that Neko Atsume is one of my favorite mobile games, you have excellent tastes, Mr. Kozume.” 

Their adorable teaching assistant jumps in his seat, not knowing Kuroo was avidly investigating the phone in his lap, and he looks down and lets his fringe fall over his eyes. 

Kuroo mentally high-fives himself. He makes a note to try seductively declaring, _you spite me, Tubbs,_ at the end of their next presentation. 

He stretches as he leaves the auditorium, grinning to himself as he replays the way he left Kenma flustered, and damn if he isn’t already fond of it. He deserves some sushi. 

  
  


\- 

  
  


After safely returning a lovestruck Bokuto home, Kuroo catches Kenma in the parking lot the next day. He’s climbing off of a suspiciously familiar bike, wearing a mossy colored hoodie, jeans, and Converse. Though he would look _much_ more adorable in Kuroo's clothes, he thinks evilly. It's a student holiday, Kenma having the best of two worlds by not being required for office hours. 

Kuroo licks his lips, making sure that they weren't chapped for no apparent reason, smoothes his letterman and checks his reflection in his phone-

“Tetsurou-san? What are you doing here?” A high pitched voice sounds from behind his perch on the stairs to the library. 

He doesn't need to feign surprise. “Hinata? What are _you_ doing here?” The auburn-haired boy pads over to his spot, stealing the shade and bumping his shoulder with Kuroo. 

"Oh! I'm here almost every day... do you read, Tetsurou-san?" 

Kuroo clears his throat awkwardly. "Mostly nonfiction. Do you?" 

“Yes! I’ve read nearly every book about volleyball and sports heroes, oh and did you know they had all this manga?”

If Kuroo doesn’t think his eyes could get any more sparkly, they certainly do. “Kenma!”

Kuroo’s eyes follow Hinata’s cheerful skipping to embrace the blonde, and he frowns inwardly as a twinge of jealousy churns in his stomach. How did chibi-chan know him? Did he play volleyball too? 

He feels his eyes twitch when Hinata comes back with his arm slug around Kenma’s shoulder. 

“Kenma, this is Kuroo, the middle blocker on our volleyball team! You’ve probably heard me talk about him, but he’s really good! And tall!” Kuroo’s usually fond of his gesticulations, but today it hits in the wrong places. Kuroo smiles, and it’s all teeth. 

It gets worse. 

Kenma barely looks at him as he fiddles with the straps of his backpack, muttering a shy “Hello,” before pulling Hinata by the arm into the vicinity. 

The trivial gesture is like a stake through his heart and Kuroo defeatedly stares as they head to the interior coffee shop.

“See you tomorrow, Kenma,” he calls out in an attempt to save himself, winking at Kenma and watching him duck his adorable head. He counts that as a win. 

On Wednesday, he declares Kenma cute in front of the whole class and passionately volunteers like a madman when Kenma drops his box of markers on the ground. 

On Thursday, he learns about Kenma's gargantuan video game collection and his discord addiction. And he owes Hinata an hour more of spiking practice daily for the next few weeks. 

He leaves anonymous drinks for Kenma at his desk in the mornings and asks the barista to teach him to draw cat shapes. 

On Friday, Kuroo's on snack duty at the cafeteria when a familiar head walks up to his table. Kuroo is too busy admiring the way his wet hair sticks to his neck. 

His shoes are shiny from being splashed on. His clothes are wet-and-dry polka-dots, and his arms are heaped with accessories. And his face is… it’s not pleased, and Kuroo wonders how he can make it glow and smile. 

“Um, I asked for Gushers.” Kuroo blinks and realizes he has handed Kenma an assortment of nuts. 

“Shit… Shit! I’m sorry!” He shakes his head a few times to bypass any dirty thoughts and then grins at him Kenma when he gives him an extra pack. 

Kenma’s body sags in relief, and he opens his tiny mouth to huff out a sigh. It’s endearing, and Kuroo thinks he sighs with him. “Um, see you in class, Tetsurou-san.” 

“Wait, Kenma, my shift is over in a second! Why don’t you rest here and I can walk back to the apartments with you so you don’t get any more stuff wet? 

It comes out like a long jumble of words, and Kenma seems amused by it. “Okay, we can share the candy.” 

Kuroo has never packed up faster since he found out he was getting his own apartment with Bokuto a few months ago, and he prays to the merciful heavens that Kai doesn’t arrive late. 

They walk through the halls and out into the dank courtyard, about a ten-minute walk from the sophomore flats. 

“We must look so strange right now,” he tells Kenma with a snicker, “a cute little nerd and a huge creepy guy.” 

Kenma hums. “Creepy is right.”

“Why must you hurt me, heartbreaker?” He dramatically clutches his chest with the hand not holding Kenma’s coat and laptop case. Kenma pauses in his step to eye Kuroo suspiciously. 

“Oi Kuroo, are you trying to bribe me?” His eyes widen in tandem to his speech. 

“Kenma! Do not confuse my genuine kindness for treachery!” 

Kenma narrows his eyes. “Why don’t we tell each other something most people don’t know about ourselves? Swear an oath?” Kuroo considers it before smirking down at the pudding head. 

“Is this because you think I have some freakish kinks? Hmm? It’s that isn’t it?”

“Ugh, fine I’ll go first.” He pushes open the door and starts up the stairs, but Kuroo is too busy admiring Kenma’s ass and almost trips in the dimly lit hallway. 

“I choked on a bit of apple pie when I was younger, but now for some reason, it tastes better every time I eat it.” He looks up at Kuroo with a small smile. “I guess what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

“Considering the fact that you take two bites to eat one Gusher, I’ll be surprised if you don’t choke on a slice anytime soon.”

“Shut up,” Kenma smacks him with his shoulder and stops at the first door on the 5th floor. “This is where I live… well… do you want to come inside?” He’s opening the door as he’s asking, and moves aside to let Kuroo take off his shoes at the door. 

The whole apartment smells like Kenma, and it’s also an absolute mess. Kuroo can’t help but feel like he’s intruding on something awfully private. 

“I live with Lev and Inouka, nobody else would share with Lev, so I,” he pauses to drop his stuff on the couch with a small puff, “volunteered to split my room with him.” He shrugs. “Less rent for me.”

“Aww, Kenny’s taking in strays too? What a martyr,” he sings.

“It wasn’t really a big deal, he’s just messy and too tall, and he takes too long in the bathroom but otherwise living here is totally doable.” He takes the stuff in Kuroo’s hands and looks at him expectantly. “So… are you going to tell me something about yourself? Like why there are cat hairs on your pants?” 

Again, he's dumbstruck by Kenma’s innate ability to spot out the slightest details that left him feeling naked. He decides to play around. 

“Actually, one of my esteemed hobbies is scouting out innocent college boys, creating a mutual friendship and then proceeding to invade their home, kidnap them, feed them to my overweight cat, and watch as they flail and cry and bleed everywhere.” He says matter-of-factly, and then upon seeing Kenma’s mortified expression, adds, “Just- k” 

“I knew it!” Kenma yells at a decibel he didn't think was possible for a boy as small as him. 

Suddenly the lights flicker on and two guys, each carrying brooms, jump out from behind the couch.

“EXPLAIN YOURSELF, PSYCHO!” 

“WHO ARE YOU, AND WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH KOZUME-SAN?” 

Kuroo’s face is probably turning red from deciding whether to burst into laughter or plead guilty. He decides to withdraw his hands from his stomach and raise them slowly. 

“Nothing!! I swear this is a huge misunderstanding?” 

Kenma’s cheeks are tinted pink as he stands in a defensive position waving a phone in Kuroo’s face. 

“Then explain this. After you and your owl friend made that sinful presentation about infiltrating porn sites, I gave you a failing grade. You were plotting since then, weren’t you?”

“What??”

“Don’t act dumb! And then you were all scary and grumpy to me and Shouyou, and then you tease me in class, and then Shouyou tells me you’ve been asking him weird questions about me!” 

Kuroo must look exasperated. “You guys, I seriously look really scary and grumpy when I smile?” 

“Yes! And then you leave poisoned coffee on my desk with your dumb neko signature, and… and then you give me nuts when it doesn’t sound anything like Gushers… I’m allergic to peanuts!” 

Kenma had managed to hack down the entirety of his ego in a minute, and Kuroo’s long believed good manners and looks are flushed away with the remains. 

“All the evidence is here, I don’t see how there could be any miscommunication.” 

“Kenma, I think you’ve been playing too many video games-”

“The door is right ahead of you, don’t come back again or we’re calling the cops!” The tall one calls out with his broom raised. 

The click of the door locking echos through the silent hallway and Kuroo barely remembers being pushed out. For a few minutes, he's staring dazed at the door to Kenma's apartment. That's... that's some good wood, really good door wood.

What just happened? Did he just get brutally rejected? Why was his heart, feeling like it had been beaten up into the pavement, beating so fast? Kuroo's hands are shaking as he reaches into his pocket, needing to call Bokuto because he's moments from freaking out and busting out manly tears.

But his hand comes up empty - his pocket is flat against his thigh and it's an empty air socket. He's about to laugh at the wicked world and its curses on Kuroo when the door in front of him cracks open a sliver. 

It's Kenma with big, pretty eyes, slipping _his_ phone into _his_ pocket. He's gone before Kuroo realizes, but weirdly, he's not disappointed. Because now, he has something. 

The weight of the phone is burning into his abdomen, and when he pulls it out, it feels _different_. Like something has blessed or consecrated it.

He has a sneaking suspicion in his veins, finally turning on the device after an eternity, and he almost drops it when he sees-

Kuroo Tetsurou has Kozume Kenma's number. 

**Author's Note:**

> (๑˘︶˘๑) thank you for reading, amazing person!


End file.
